Why You Should Talk to Your Aging Parents about Money

Elderly coupleWhile the popular adage “silence is golden” often rings true, does it apply to the topic of parents’ elder care expenses, living costs, and healthcare? The Fidelity Intra-family Generational Finance Study has recently found that four out of 10 families have not yet had a conversation with their elderly parents about these important matters. According to the study, children want to avoid upsetting their parents while parents worry that their adult children are hoping for a future inheritance. As a result, money often becomes taboo in many families, and important conversations about family finances are simply not happening.

FIGS Study Finds Fewer Families are Discussing Finances

According to researchers, both parents and children did not necessarily feel that it was difficult to have a conversation regarding retirement, healthcare, and living expenses. However, many families found trouble in knowing exactly when to begin the conversation as well as how in depth the conversation should go. One of the most important notes that researchers made was that it was critical not to wait until an emergency occurs to sit down with parents to discuss their future financial plans.

How to Effectively Plan for Parents’ Financial Futures

Before beginning a conversation on such a sensitive subject as money, it is important to realize that the conversation is not a democracy. All of their lives, parents have made their own decisions about their money, and there is a slim chance that they will relinquish control now. Children should realize that they are discussing their parents’ money and, ultimately, the parents have the final say.

There are several keys to facilitate an effective conversation:

1. Treat parents with respect. Above all, always respect parents’ wishes regarding their plans for elder care, healthcare, and living expenses. Avoid attacking, yelling, accusing, and blaming them for their requests, as doing so can only lead to bitterness and resentment.

2. Start the discussion early. One of the most common mistakes that many families make is that they think that they only need to have one big conversation regarding family finances. However, the earlier that a family chooses to discuss their plans for the future, the easier the conversations will become. Continued discussions about the subject are much more favorable as plans, circumstances, and needs will change with time.

3. Include all family members. Ensure that all siblings and immediate relatives are included in the conversations so that everyone is fully aware of all decisions and requests, and no one is receiving incorrect or inaccurate information through the grapevine.

4. Understand the parents’ need to have control over their own lives. The conversation is not about preserving or receiving an inheritance; it is about the parents’ rights to be able to live their lives however they want to live them.

5. Provide information. Communication is vital, so it is necessary to thoroughly explain any concerns that a child may have regarding the treatment and care of his or her parents. Obtain any relevant information to support the concerns.

6. Re-evaluate the plan if it is not working. If conversations become heated or family members feel as if they are going around in circles without accomplishing anything, it is okay to take a few steps away from the conversation to clear the air and regain focus on the issues at hand.

7. Agree to disagree. Always remember that it is okay to disagree, and that the conversation is not about who is wrong or who is right. Remember that this is a delicate subject that means a great deal to all who are involved.

Contact Us

Discussing finances with parents can be difficult, particularly if one or both individuals are in poor health. Oftentimes, it may be beneficial to discuss some of the legal and financial aspects of elder care with an experienced elder care lawyer. Contact the Law Office of Andrew M. Lamkin, P.C. today to schedule a free consultation.

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